Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones.
John Lennon
How high are we willing to set the bar for our personal relationships?
Will we honestly assess the influence others have on us? There are times when our spiritual health is threatened and we know it is time to detox. A series taught by our pastor several years ago inspired the following comments:
- First, determine to be an overcomer. Okay, that may sound like a religious buzz-phrase. No matter. It’s still true. The gospel does not promote wimpiness or indecision. Especially when it comes to identifying and removing adverse influences from our lives.
- Secondly, realistically evaluate the people in you life. Family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers. Here are some guidelines identifying 3 types of toxic people:
Users. One-sided relationships. These folks use others to validate themselves. They are jealous, which is why they celebrate your failures and covet your successes. What to do? Minimize contact or end the relationship.
Abusers. They live noxious lives and don’t care how it affects you. Seeking to sabotage your Christian lifestyle. Actively hostile to your faith. It is shocking how many people maintain contact with these ruinous folks. Have some self-respect and sever ties.
Losers. Broke, self-destructive, lazy. They are specialists in trying to provoke pity. Their company is guaranteed to exhaust you, which, perversely, causes them to feel better about themselves. Let them go.
The Bible, always blindingly realistic, provides numerous examples of bad company. It also insists followers of Christ be both discerning and bold in maintaining a pollution-free life. So seek out relationships with people who:
- Challenge you. Challenge as in encourage, warn, admonish. You need someone in your life with the freedom to say, Stop being dumb.
- Have similar goals. Are children of light. That term, by the way, is biblical. Develop deep and lasting relationships with your righteous peeps, especially in your church family. The vineyard where you are planted is where you are to flourish.
- Encourage your faith. Does this person build you up spiritually? Is your walk stronger after you’ve been with them?
And remember: relationships with good company need to be intentionally pursued.
So intentionally pursue. Make that call. Meet for coffee. Have them over for dinner. Make the effort. You are building a strong, productive life for God’s kingdom – and modeling healthy behavior for all those young people in your life with eyes on you.
How willing are you to assess these relationships and do what is wise?
Thank you for this post. In our current American society we have so many people casting aside what had previously been lasting relationships under the allegations of “toxicity.” I love that your post gives us a path for analyzing what is truly toxic and should be eliminated from our lives. Further, it encourages us to be very intentional about maintaining the healthy relationships that are seeking to build us up spiritually.
I appreciate your thoughts on the post, Julie. What you say about “being intentional” is key.
I definitely appreciate this message. Like Julie, I am seeing people re-considering what were once lasting relationships, but I don’t know if it’s due to “toxicity” as much as it has to do with a clear differentiation on how one views human rights. I think it’s ok to vehemently disagree with someone and maybe even feel their opinions are based in some ignorance or a privileged experience, but still show love for them regardless of their differences. I agree that we must not let these people deter our mood in a negative way, so identifying their relationship in our life is key. Conversely, I also feel in many cases, sitting down and conversing can be both beneficial for them, you, and more importantly one’s walk with God. Thank you for this message Sister Celovsky it is much appreciated:)
Thank you very much for taking the time to respond, Austin. I was clear in the post about the kinds of negative influence individuals in our lives may exert that can indeed interfere with our walk with God. And we all should carefully, prayerfully, acknowledge these relationships when they are present. Of course, any relationship that needs to end should, if at all possible, be done in love.