Have you ever walked through an elderly care facility? Have you wondered about the lives of those men and women? Wondered what regrets they might have?
Australian Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for many years and she did ask.
Five things kept surfacing in her interviews and she shares them in her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Her findings are worth thinking about. I share them here, along with some brief thoughts.
#1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret. Unfulfilled dreams. And once age begins nibbling away at health, those dreams are forever out of reach.
Did Jesus live a life that conformed to the expectations of the people around him? No. Does He expect you to? No. What, oh what, to do? Be a contrarian. Give God your life. Then live it His way. I mean, really live it His way. It will be the one truest to your real self.
#2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. Men, as the likely breadwinners, expressed this most often. Hard work and long hours away from family provided well for their loved ones. But time spent with their young children was sacrificed – and could not be reclaimed.
We never strike that perfect balance between work and family. But it’s not perfection we’re after, is it? It’s a quality of peace with the choices we’re making. Prayer for help, prayer for wisdom – and a willingness to make the hard choices – will help ensure that there are, ultimately, more right decisions than regretted ones.
#3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Keeping the peace can come at a high price. Many of these men and women blamed health problems on the bitterness that festered – sometimes for years – from not speaking up.
This is a tough one. Some of us have suffered from speaking up too much, some from too little. However, it seems that ultimately we err on the side of going-along-to-get-along. The key is this: Whatever is nurturing a seed of bitterness, must be confronted. Bitterness is psychic acid that bleeds into our health. Pray that God will help you not to procrastinate. And that He will give you words that are wise and clear.
#4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Their memories revisit us in old age. There were deep regrets for not maintaining friendships.
Facebook is likely making this less of a regret as time goes on. But will we move from tapping on the keyboard to calling or visiting? Will we?
#5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This response was surprisingly common. They wished they had allowed themselves more fun and laughter as the years went by.
This, I think, is the saddest of the five regrets. Why do we spend so much of this short and precious life exchanging gladness for anxiety, delight for fear, laughter for sorrow? Why do we not allow the joy of the Lord to make us strong? Let’s pay attention and not let regret steal one more moment of gladness.
Which of the things on this list spoke most clearly to you?