Life would be infinitely happier if we could be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Mark Twain

Have you ever walked through an elder care facility and wondered about the lives of those men and women? About what regrets they might have?

Australian Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for many years and she did ask.

Five things kept surfacing in her interviews and she shares them in her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Her findings are worth thinking about, and I share them here, along with some brief comments.

#1 I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret. Unfulfilled dreams. And once age begins nibbling away at health, those may be forever out of reach.

Did Jesus live a life that conformed to the expectations of the people around Him? No. What to do? Be a contrarian. Hand over your life completely to God. Then live it His way. It will be the one truest to your real self.

#2 I wish I didn’t work so hard. Men, the likely breadwinners, expressed this most often. Hard work and long hours way from family provided well for their loved ones. But time spent with their young children was sacrificed – and could not be reclaimed.

We never strike that perfect balance between work and family. But it’s not perfection we’re after, is it? It’s a quality of peace with the choices we’re making. Prayer for wisdom – and a willingness to make the hard choices – will help ensure that, ultimately, there are more right decisions than regretted ones.

#3 I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Keeping the peace can come at a high price. Many of these men and women blamed health problems on the bitterness that festered – sometimes for years – from not speaking up.

This is a tough one. Some of us have suffered from speaking up too much, some from too little. However, it seems that ultimately we err on the side of going-along-to-get-along. The key is this: Whatever is nurturing a seed of bitterness must be confronted. Bitterness is a psychic acid that bleeds into our health. Ask God to help you not procrastinate. And that He will give you words that are wise and clear.

#4 I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Memories of friends revisit us in old age. There are deep regrets for not maintaining friendships.

Social media may be making this less of a regret as time goes by. But will we move from tapping on a keyboard to making that call or planning a visit?

#5 I wish I had let myself be happier. This response was surprisingly common. They wish they had allowed themselves more fun, more laughter as the years went by.

This is, in my opinion, the saddest of the five regrets. Why do we spend so much of this short and precious life exchanging gladness for anxiety, delight for fear, laughter for sorrow? Why do we not allow the joy of the Lord to make us strong? Really strong? It is a choice. And each of us gets to choose. One of life’s most significant challenges is not depending on other people – including our spouses, let me just say – to make us happy.

And finally, may I suggest this pithy observation as a motto for your life and the life of your family:

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.

Benjamin Franklin

Is anything on the Regret’s List a factor in your life? Perhaps you are already taking steps to correct something that appears on the list. Your thoughts and comments left in Leave a Reply below are much appreciated. As are any “shares” of my posts.