If I get married, I want to be very married.
Audrey Hepburn, Actress
Funny. As of yesterday I’ve been married 45 years. 45 years. I have to sit and look at that for a minute.
Okay. Here are a few things I’ve learned about marriage so far:
- The idea of finding one person in all the billions on earth to live with in reasonable contentment for the rest of your life is – what? Irrational? Idealistic? Incredibly hopeful? It is, of course, all of those things. That’s the mystery and the miracle.
- We bring a lot of baggage into marriage. We may not know how to fight fair. A cleanie may not be inclined to give up the struggle with a messie. We spend too much money, or are too tightfisted. In the secret pockets of that baggage we have immaturity and pouting and self-centeredness. Then we discover that marriage is a lifelong unpacking process.
- Assuming you will iron out any flaws in your beloved after the knot is tied is a terrible idea. Not just terrible, but tragically flawed. The person you marry is the person you marry. For better or worse. Your task is to work on your “better”. Trust me.
- We may think that love is the coin of the realm in marriage. In my opinion, it’s the oxygen. Kindness is the currency of the relationship. Two people who practice kindness toward each other are building up a mutual bank account of lifelong pleasure.
- Children are a wonder. Tiny little people, utterly dependent, landing in our married life with all their noise and paraphernalia. There they are, beautiful and expensive. And the kind of human beings they become depends to a shocking degree on you. You. That knowledge keeps us prayerful. And humble. I confess I still look at our three grown children and think: Where did these fantastically wonderful adults come from?
- Grandchildren are the grand payoff for having kids.
- The best advice we can give our children is the marriage we live in front of them.
- Marriage is the comforting presence of another human being with whom we forge, carve, hammer out a life. Broken places? Yes. Stress fractures? Sure. But the structure is sturdy. It shelters the two of us and the family flowering under its roof.
So happy anniversary to my wonderful Sam. Truth is, the success of our life together is due largely to you and the loving leadership you have provided me and our children. I love being very married to you.
Why not share an insight or piece of advice from your own experience below in Leave a Reply.
Congratulations, Debra and Sam! 45 years is no small accomplishment.
Thank you so much, Julie.
Auntie, I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. And 45 years??? CONGRATULATIONS to you and Uncle Sam!🥳
Thank you so much, Amy. What a beautiful legacy you and Joshua are creating, as well.
Congratulations! I love your thoughts about having a long-term marriage; they’re all so true. Mike & I will celebrate 55 years next week on the 24th. I, too, can’t even comprehend that number or how it is possible. It seems like just yesterday we were 18 years old & getting married! Yet it feels like many lives ago! Another thing I might add to your brilliantly worded notes is that a long-term marriage calls for a lot of forgiveness & being the first to say “I’m sorry”. I totally agree that I have had to work on my own self over the years, & God is still not finished with either of us. ❤️
Thank you for shining a light and a path on marriage, that so many of us can look to for guidance and hope. Love you both so much.
Yes, Mary, we also needed a fair amount of guidance and hope long this journey. Thank you for your sweet response.
Ah, yes, Linda. The forgiveness factor figures prominently in any long-term marriage, for sure. And thank you for your thoughtful response.
Wooow congratulations🥳 I love your thoughs that you share whit us, it’s inspirations for me. We love You both ❤
Thank you, Zuzana!
Thank you, Debra and Sam, for making love and kindness towards each other look so easy. Much appreciation for your example. Love you and Congratulations!
Thank you, Cheryl. Your family is precious to us.