Life is a theater, so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone should be given a seat in the front row of our lives. Unknown

Some years ago, the speaker at our annual women’s retreat opened with the above quote. This idea of being mindful of the people we allow to exert influence in our lives continues to come up in conversations with women who sat in that session. And it has been much on my mind recently.

Your front row isn’t just friends, or people you admire. It is not your tribe. Your tribe is a broader range of close relationships. Your front row is the people you trust to actually speak into your life. This is no small thing. You have given them access because you regard them as prayerful and wise, with the ability to provide good, solid counsel. 

So, I had taken that year to read through the Book of Job, an exercise in profound loss, bitter lament, and spiritual mystery. It is also a book known for its detailed account of long time friendships that proved to be deeply disappointing.

It is very difficult to read the first chapter of Job. Loss of great wealth is one thing. Loss of all of your children at once is something else entirely. And this is just the beginning of Job’s sorrows.

The second chapter begins as Satan is permitted to attack Job’s health with what appears to be elephantiasis. Mosquito borne, this hideous disease attacks the lymph system and is characterized first by fever and roughening of the skin. Severe swelling follows in various parts of the body, like the legs and genitals. And once the parts swell, they don’t recede. Sometimes there is a foul-smelling discharge.

Add to this a wife drowning in her own grief who finally bursts out, “Curse God and die!” and we have a portrait of utter misery.

Job will settle into a pit of ashes, as mourners did in those days. He will sit and scrape his grotesque body, and wait. The only possible calamity left would be death, and God will not permit that.

But Job is going to have visitors. They will travel from their distant homes and arrive weeks later – older men who are old friends. And they have been in the front row of Job’s life. When they arrive, they will sit silently on the ground and grieve with him for a week. However, what unfolds in the many chapters to follow are lessons in pride, judgment, false assumptions, and, oh yes, TOO MANY WORDS.

But Job has not realized how the men in his front row have changed. Had he been at our retreat he would have heard several important things about close friendships:

• First, it is YOUR front row. Not everyone gets a seat.

• Second, it changes over time in the ebb and flow of life’s seasons.

• Third: It is as much about quality as quantity. More is not necessarily better.

Our calling as friends is a spiritual calling. Job was cruelly provoked by the very men whose words and presence should have been a balm for his wretchedness. As Lebanese-American writer, Kahlil Gibran once said, “In much of your talking, thinking is half-murdered.” Wielding any kind of influence in the life of another is a serious thing. Wisdom, caution, and prayer are vital.

There is another, equally important aspect to these relationships: Our front row should be able to speak the truth to us in love. Remember:

Truth without love is paralyzing. Love without truth is enabling.

And when we find ourselves on the front row of someone else’s life, the power of words should never be far from our minds:

A word spoken at the right time is like fruit of gold set in silver. Proverbs 25:11

For the past 19 years, I have had women on my front row who have been a source of joy, comfort, and challenge to a degree I would be hard-pressed to truly describe. The group has ebbed and flowed over the years, and now there are three of us who continue to meet. Shared from a prayerful, thoughtful spirit, the words they have spoken over those years have been life-giving, brought enormous consolation, and helped lighten the load. And, to be clear, these companions have had the freedom to offer loving correction or even warning as they have seen the need.

Regardless of the season of life an audit of our front row is a good thing. And teach your children and grandchildren about the value of friendship and how they might grow to be valuable occupants of that place in someone’s life. Fruit of gold will never lose its value.

For an excellent series of podcasts on this subject from Thrive Church, go to: https://bit.ly/3npMTak